Godlings
by guildedParadox
Summary: Glowing portals in dreambubbles, idiotic humans, and new universes. Karkat is so done with this game. Warnings: Harsh language, Vore, Homosexual relationships
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! First fanfic! Flames will be used to put irons in. Here is my blanket disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck or Harry Potter!**

**Warnings: Contains vore, and homosexual pairings. Don't like, don't read.**

John was scared.

Karkat and John sat in forest; it was eerie, silent-like. Dangerous. Not exactly a good thing when you're stuck at three inches tall.

They weren't quite sure where they were. They had just hit the two-year mark of their three-year journey, when , out of nowhere, the nub-horned troll had appeared. Jade had been in the midst of resizing John, as he had just finished visiting his planet. However, she had stopped when Karkat appeared. The troll managed to say that he'd been sucked through a portal in a dream-bubble when some kind of light-portal-swirly thing appeared and suddenly the two had been in some dark forest area.

Just him. And Karkat. In a probably-dangerous forest. This was great.

"Well this is just fucking fantastic! Where the fuck are we, anyway?" Karkat asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm not sure, Karkat! It doesn't look much like the planets I've been to…what?"

"John. Why in hell's name are you the size of a squeakbeast." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Hey! It's not my fault! Jade was still resizing me when you decided to come out of nowhere!"

"I didn't _decide _anything, nookwhiffer. I was sent through the gogdamn portal."

"Well, it's not like I can do much about it!" John yelled, frustrated. Even with his god-powers, it was still very unsettling being tiny. He used the Windy Thing to fly up to Karkat's face. "And besides, we need to find out how to get out of here. This place is giving me chills. It's too quiet. Even for nighttime."

Karkat looked around. "Yeah." He was unnerved. "We should get a move on…-HOLY FUCK!"

John whipped his head around to what the startled troll was staring warily at.

"Don't make any sudden movements, Egbert."

The owl dove.

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Karkat held a bleeding human in his hands. The owl had put up a bit of a fight, and Karkat had had to snap at it with sharp teeth before it would let the human drop from its talons. From what the troll could see, the damn bird had managed to claw John up fairly badly on his left arm, and on the left side of his hip to his left knee, right through his thigh. With godly healing, it would heal up alright, but for the time being, John was barely able to move without pain, let alone use the energy for powers.

Karkat didn't want to stick him in his pocket—the rough fabric and movement of walking could worsen the human's injuries—but he didn't want to put him in his sylladex, either. He didn't know what effect that would have on John's wounds, let alone if Karkat would be able to get him out of the encryption modus. But leaving him exposed, even being carried, posed a danger. If the human was vulnerable before the attack, how much more so would he be wounded? Not to mention the smell of blood would undoubtedly attract unwelcome visitors.

"Karkat..?"

"Yeah, John."

"What do we do now?"

And what a fucking question that was. Karkat had come up with a solution to the issue of tiny-hurt-human, but he doubted the human himself would like it.

"Karkat?"

"…I. I may have a solution to this problem. Maybe." Karkat bit out. He didn't want to scare the human—and he knew that his idea was, at the very least, terrifying. "But you'll have to trust me."

"Of course I trust you, Karkat! Why wouldn't I?" John was a bit perplexed. Why wouldn't he trust his bro Karkat? What did Karkat plan to do…and why did he sound so hard-pressed to help?

By the time John came out of his musings, he realized that Karkat had lifted him up to his face. And had his mouth slightly open. And that John was becoming alarmingly closer to that sharp-toothed deathzone every passing second. "Karkat!?"

Karkat ignored John's plea for answers. Time was of the nooksucking essence, damnit. He had already heard two hootbeasts nearby, and he wasn't taking any chances with John. The troll raised the tiny human to his mouth. "Just trust me." He lowered the shaking human into his maw, being careful of the sharp teeth John had to pass over. Not trusting the devil-birds to not swipe John from him, he carefully closed his mouth with a soft _clack_, teeth creating a small cage around the godling and leaving him in darkness.

John shook with tension and fear in the troll's mouth. While he trusted Karkat, this was pushing the envelope. Not that he could do much about it, with barely being able to move due to his injuries.

"Karkat..?" John whimpered. As he could barely move, he was rather scared. What was the troll doing? "Why..Why am I in your…mouth..?" As the human continued, he became more panicked. "Karkat? Let me out please! I don't wanna die!"

Inside said troll's mind, he was thinking. _Gogdamnit John, I can't fucking answer you. You are in my mouth. Therefore, I cannot talk. Calm your shit._ Of course, all of this went unheard to John. In annoyance, Karkat let out a soft growl. John went silent, but was still shaking with fear and confusion. Karkat, sighed, frustrated, realizing he had only scared the boy further. In an attempt to reassure the human, Karkat softy licked John, purring around him. He winced mentally at the horrifying taste of the godling's blood. While the taste itself was not bad, it meant that John was hurt. The troll couldn't stand the human being hurt, even if John annoyed him. With a final lick, Karkat swallowed.

John had calmed down a bit when he heard the troll purring, even if the licking was weird. It wasn't exactly bad, and it seemed to be cleaning his wounds. He felt a bit more secure, too, away from the outside. He never knew owls could be so vicious. As the licking-and-purring continued, he went limp, letting the troll take over. This wasn't too bad.

Suddenly, the world tilted a bit, and he was sliding, feet-first, towards the throat. John tried to grab hold of something, starting to panic again, but everything was too slippery! Was Karkat going to _eat _him? Calm him down so that he wouldn't struggle, then kill him? Wasn't that something trolls did, mercy killings? Was Karkat trying to end him?

"Stop! No! Karkat!" The human yelled desperately, "I don't wanna die!" But the yells were lost in the slick muscles of the troll's throat.

As John was sucked down his throat, Karkat could feel him trying to struggle, too weak to do so. He realized that John probably thought that Karkat was trying to kill him, but Karkat couldn't fucking tell him otherwise until he calmed down.

A few seconds later, Karkat felt a light weight settle in his belly. He had cleared the acids previous to swallowing, but John didn't know that. "John. Gogdamnit, John, I can feel you shaking. Calm down, you're fine."

John landed with a muffled _thump._ He tried to get up, but he was just too tired. He didn't have the energy to move. He was terrified, shaking, and starting to cry. He was going to die, because his "bro" thought that he needed a mercy killing. Then he heard Karkat.

"What do you mean, fine? You a-ate me, Karkat," He cried, voice shaking. "I don't wanna die here!"

"I mean you're fine, you nooksniffing bagelfucker. Calm down. There are no acids, idiot. You. Are. Fine." Karkat said. "I couldn't keep you anywhere else without risking hurting you," He said more softly. "Please calm down. I'm not going to hurt you, alright?" Karkat patted his belly. "Not going to hurt you."

John stilled. While he couldn't see anything, he could felt around with his uninjured arm and found that the troll's words were right. He was fine. No acids. Karkat had done this to protect him, and_ he was going to be fine._

The troll felt the human still for a few seconds, then relax. It seemed that John had figured out that he was going to be okay.

"Thanks, Karkat." John said softly.

When the nubby-horned troll heard this, he felt a warm feeling in his chest. "Yeah, yeah, of course," Karkat gruffly said, rubbing his middle, "I'm going to try to find out where we are."

"Okay, Karkat!" John chirped. The human had easily gained back his normal enthusiasm, despite his location. "Let's go!"

"Yes, let's." Karkat half-grumbled, half-sighed. He had no idea where they might be. Or, thinking about it, when. This was going to get interesting._ Fucking damnit, more shit to sort out._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! I'm baccckk~ And with more tiny!john and new characters, yay! Flames will be used to light the Goblet. :)**

Karkat walked aimlessly around for about all of two seconds before he got fed up with passing identical looking trees. "You know what? This fucking sucks. I have know idea where the bulgelicker I'm going."

"Well," John said, "are there any buildings nearb-"

"No there are no gogdamned buildings, if there was, being lost wouldn't be a problem, would it?" A John fell silent in thought, Karkat looked around. Even with his advanced night vision that came with being a nocturnal creature, there was only trees within his sight. Trees to the left, trees to the right, trees in front of him, trees behind him- wait. Those weren't trees. They were wood...in the distance, it looked as if there might be...hoofbeast stables? They sure looked like hoofbeast stables.._.well, fuck me with a human dildo, something that isn't trees_, Karkat thought. "Hey, I think I found something. It looks like someone's keeping hoofbeasts."

John looked up into the interior of Karkat's gut, where the voice was coming from. "Alright! Let's go!" The human had been trying to think of how to find a landmark, but without being able to see around them, he was left a bit clueless. At least, indicating by the rainbow light, his wounds were starting to heal. John fought the urge to touch them. It itched. A lot. But at least that meant he'd be able to move around soon.

The details of the wooden structure came into view as Karkat weaved through the trees silently. He didn't want to attract the attention of anything else that might be lurking in this forest. Slowing sneaking closer to the stables, he sniffed the air. Expecting only hoofbeast scent, he was rather startled to find...what was that. Some kind of bird-scent? But it's mixed with the hoofbeast scent..? The troll went up to the half-door of the stable and looked through it. What the ever-loving fuck were those? Karkat looked at the bird-hoof-beasts before backing away. Whatever they were, he didn't want to mess with them.

"Well? Did you find the horses?" John called.

"They aren't hoof-beasts...they are...something else. Large as hoof-beasts...but with the fronts of talon-beasts. Lets not fucking mess with those, John. I'd rather not have my bloody entrails ripped from my body in a righteous flood of bile and stupidity." Karkat continued, "And it probably wouldn't be very good for you, either."

John started. "What is with this place and violent birds?"

"I have not the slightest nook-sucking idea."

"Oh. Well. Are there any other buildings nearby?"

Karkat looked up from the slightly horrifying creatures in the stable. Trees, trees, more trees...there! It looked like some sort of hut-like structure, made of stone. And the lights were still on. "Yeah, some small hive some ways ahead. I'm going to head that way, see if I can find out where the fuck we are. I hope you have the brains to know to stay quiet, because, as you can imagine, it might be a _bit_ disturbing, _maybe_ off-putting, to some, if they knew _I ate something alive._" Karkat finished sarcastically.

"Oh shut up," the human muttered. "I'm not that stupid."

Karkat rolled his eyes. Re-orienting himself, he set off to the tiny hive at the edge of the woods. Hopefully someone fairly non-violent creature would answer the door.

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_HOLY SHIT IT WAS A GIANT-MUTANT-PURPLEBLOOD OH SHIT OH SHIT._

Karkat, upon knocking on the door, was greeted to the rather startling sight of a giant person.

"Whoa ther' calm yerself, lad. Who are ya?"

Karkat realized he'd backed up rather jarringly, and was shaking of fear. Taking a closer look at the giantmutantpurpleblood, called GMP for simplicity, the troll realized that it wasn't a purpleblood at all. Though the size and hair fit, the skin and eye color didn't, and paired with the fact that knocking on the entrance hadn't ended in disembowelment, this wasn't a purpleblood. It wasn't a troll at all. "W-What are you?" Karkat managed to say.

Hagrid hadn't expected late-night visitors. He rarely had in visitors in the first place. So when there had been a rather firm set of three knocks on the door, he had presumed it to be that trio that always managed to get into trouble. He was rather surprised when his eyes met the figure of a rather short, but well-built teenager. Said teenager having gray skin and horns had not deterred the half-giant at all-it still looked humanoid, and it could've been the victims of the most recent Weasley prank.

So, coming to the conclusion that, for whatever reason, a student had come to him for help, he was even more startled to see said student back up in what seemed like deep fright. He was even more surprised that his inquiry of identity was met with the question of what he was. And the fear was too real to be a mean prank.

Hagrid realized that this was not a human child. But then, what was it? And how had it ended up here?

He decided to ask.

"I assume yer no' a studen' a' the school, then?" The foreign creature looked up, seemingly startled that Hagrid had addressed it. "I mean, yer no' human, tha's fer sure, and ya don' seem ta know wher' yeh are. Do yeh need help?" Hagrid asked. Perhaps he could help this creature, whatever it was. And Professor Dumbledore would want to meet it for sure.

"Uhhh...I..no. I'm not a member of any 'schools' or whatever you said," visibly losing fear, the creature added, "And I would like to know where the fuck I am." It seemed to pause, looking like it was listening to something, "And when."

Hagrid gave a bit of a strange look to the newcomer at the last question, but answered anyway, "...yer a' Hogwar's School o' Witchcraft and Wizardry, an' it's September 2nd, 1993."

"...And what planet might that be on?"

Hagrid stared at the creature. What. What planet? Haltingly, Hagrid answered. "Earth. Yer on the planeh' Earth."

"WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?" Shouted John, causing Karkat to break into an impromptu coughing fit to hide the noise. John, taking the hint, said much more quietly, "Did he say Earth?!"

Karkat stared at the inaccurately named GMP. Earth. That couldn't be right-he had seen it die on his own monitor. For fuck's sake, John had experienced it. Where in the Empresses' land had that damned portal sent them?


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! New chappie! Flames will be used to warm up LOFAF. :)**

Karkat decided to try to play it cool. Wherever the portal had sent them, it had to be some kind of...different dimension? Universe? Maybe in the past of John's Earth…? Who the fuck knew. They'd have to find out-they had to get back. That is, once they found out what universe they were in, when on the Alpha timeline they were at, if the life-forms here were aggressive, what kind of technology they had-

"Lad?"

The troll startled. He had gotten lost in thought, in a potentially dangerous environment. That couldn't happen again.

"Yeah, what."

"Yeh seemed rather..shocked..abou' yer location, lad. An' wha's yer name? I canno' keep on callin' yeh 'lad'. An' I'm Hagrid." The GMP said.

Karkat took a moment to work through the accent, then replied, "I'm Karkat. And why I was shocked was none of your damn business." Karkat paused, his eyes paused on no particular point.

"...and then if this is the real Earth, then we can somehow save it! But it probably isn't, though…" The human took a breath, "Also, I'm hungry!"

Karkat looked up at the newly-dubbed Hagrid. "...but I would appreciate if I could get something to eat." He continued grudgingly. He wasn't particularly hungry, but human's ate more often the trolls-John need to eat.

Hagrid eyed the gray-skinned being. It was rather harsh and curt, but that might've been because it was in an unfamiliar environment. It seemed frustrated, and kept looking around, as if for threats, and then looking to its abdomen. The half-giant filed that away for later. For now, it seemed as if it needed his help. "Fer sure, Karka'. Come on in. I've got lots of things to eat…" And then, in the morning, he could take this 'Karkat' creature to the headmaster. He would need to know.

John quieted down as Karkat walked into 'Hagrid''s small house. Well, at least John thought it was a house, that's what 'hive' meant, right? Yeah. He was pretty sure. Relaxing a bit more into the warm flesh behind him, the human looked at his wounds. The rainbow light had faded, and new skin could be seen. It didn't itch anymore. That meant he could move!

He stood up, and attempted to walk. He tripped on the first step. Karkat's belly was a bit too unstable to walk on. Considering this, John dropped to all fours and successfully was able to move about his space. He couldn't see much, but he would explore anyway!

Karkat could feel John moving around-it was good that he had healed, but it was a bit distracting. Karkat mentally shook off his worry and payed attention to Hagrid. He would need to know as much as possible.

"So, I've go' tea cakes an' beans an' beef…" The purple-blood lookalike glanced toward Karkat's sharp teeth, "an' a few other meats as well…"

As much as Karkat would have like to have all meat, this meal wasn't just for him. John, as a human, needed carbohydrates to survive. Such facts in his head, Karkat asked, "Do you have any bread, too?"

The hut's owner looked a bit startled by the question, but to his credit, just said, "Yeah, I go' some bread. Bread an' beef, then?"

"That's fine. But not a lot. I don't need a lot." The last thing Karkat wanted to do was bury John in food. Hagrid gave him a strange look, but the troll ignored it. Keeping John safe was more important than what this bearded guy thought of him.

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Hagrid watched as his unexpected guest settled down to sleep on the pile of blankets Hagrid had given him. They hadn't been in a pile at first, but the odd teen had pushed them into that formation until the blankets had been piled to his apparent approval. Hagrid couldn't see him at all now-he had buried himself in the blankets.

Guest taken care of, Hagrid lay down on his own bed. Karkat had been very odd, from the random pauses in speech, to rarely chewing his bites, and barely eating anything. Despite the fact that he had asked for food. It was very strange.

He pushed the thoughts out of his head. He needed to sleep now-he had a feeling it would be a big day tomorrow.

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Karkat didn't sleep.

He had just been sleeping-it was a dream bubble that had gotten him into this mess. Well, that and he didn't know if there were dream bubbles here, and without soper...No, Karkat would not be sleeping anytime soon.

John, though, John had fallen asleep. He had dozed off shortly after eating. So Karkat was alone, awake, and generally tense. He had created himself a pile from the blankets, and that gave a bit of security, but he was still somewhere dangerous-he could feel it. His luck was shitty, so he needed to be on the lookout. He wasn't just looking after himself, after all.

He settled in the pile again. The blankets were scratchy. It was going to be a long night.

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Karkat looked out the window.

"Holy hoofbeast-shit that is a big-ass imperial hive."

And it was. It was big, and gray, and absolutely towering, with tall turrets of varying thicknesses rising up from the great body of the structure. Karkat hadn't noticed it before-he had been too occupied with the shock of finding a giant person, and then getting food for John.

But, looking at this mountain of a hive, he was shocked that he had missed it. It was just so big. He had trouble looking at much for very long, though. Being nocturnal, his eyes weren't meant to take that much light. Though Earth's orbit-star was not nearly as harsh as Alternia's, being farther away, it still was too bright. Karkat had a sudden urge to yell at Strider for his shades. He wanted to get inside.

But going inside meant going inside that monster of a building. Where it looked like some sort of royalty might live. Karkat was tempted to ask John if this was normal for 'schools', but he didn't want to draw attention to himself-that, and John was still asleep. The fucking lazybulge.

Before Karkat had time to dwell on whether the sunlight or the hive was the better option, a movement from his middle caught his attention. It seemed that John had finally woken up.

"Good morning, Karkat!"

"How are you so gogdamn fucking cheery right now?"

"Huh? Is something wrong?" The human's voice was worried.

"What's fucking wrong is that you pink mammalian little shits are diurnal, and apparently have imperial hives as 'schools'."

"Wait, what? What's an 'imperial hive'?" John answered, completely ignoring the jab at his species.

"Oh, I forgot. Humans use highblood terms. It's a castle. A really big fucking castle."

"Wow! Well, no, schools aren't usually castles...except those snooty private schools. I hear that some of those are in castle-like buildings, and sometimes even…." Karkat tuned out of John's rambling. He turned away from the hut-hive's window and looked at the bed. The giant person was stirring. It seemed that he wouldn't be able to talk to John much longer.

"...and my school did have this epic gym, but otherwise it was not that great-"

"John. Shut your protein-chute. The giant guy is waking up."

"..Wait, he's a giant-!"

"Shh!"

Hagrid looked up at the odd 'shh'ing noise. It seemed the gray-skinned being was already awake. He climbed out of bed, and turned to the unknown creature. "So, hungry? The school will beh servin' breakfast soon. Leh's go." With that, Hagrid turned and walked out the door. He sincerely hoped that Karkat would just follow him. He didn't want to have to go back in and get him.

After a moment, the horned teenager creeped out of the door, shielding his eyes from the morning sunlight. Hagrid guessed, that paired with the dark skin and sensitivity to light, that his guest was probably nocturnal. What was this lad?


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey people. More plot! Flames will be used to melt the snow of LOFAF. :)**

Shielding his eyes with his hands, Karkat followed Hagrid up the steep hill-path that led to the 'school'. Seeming to notice the troll's distress, the GMP picked up the pace toward the school. They would get there in a few minutes.

Inside Karkat's gut, John was sitting down, trying to figure out where exactly in paradox space they were. If they were even still in paradox space at all. It was hard though-the human was more suited to ectobiology than space-related things-that had always been Jade's thing. Well, gardening was Jade's thing, but ever since the game, she had always known about space, for obvious reasons, and- John stopped. He was getting off-topic.

There were a few possibilities to what had happened. The first was that they had been sent back in time to John's Earth's past. John scratched that idea immediately; everything Timey in the game was red. The portal was silver-white. This meant that while they were in a different time than before, they were in a different universe as well. Of some kind. That made some sort of sense, at least, as the Space aspect symbol was white. Jade's powers were green, but that was probably due to Bec, rather than the game. It also meant that their travel had not been some errant power of Jade's, accidentally sending them somewhere. So what was it? John decided he would need more information.

Changing the topic of his musings, the wind godling thought about the man that had given them food. Well, had given Karkat food, but the two were the same, even if this 'Hagrid' didn't know it. Anyway, Karkat had called him a giant. Was that just an exaggeration on the troll's part, or and actual descriptor? After all, both him and the troll were pretty short, and the latter had a tendency to insult. But..Karkat hadn't sounded like he was joking, or just being rude…

John's thoughts came to a halt as he noticed that Karkat had stopped quite suddenly. Stroking the warm wall, John quietly said, "Karkat? Are you alright?"

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Karkat was most definitely not alright. He was scared, in a different universe, and was taking care of a very tiny human. But at the moment, those weren't the reasons that he wasn't alright. No, the reason Karkat was not alright was because he had just gotten to one of the many, _many_, entrances to the imperial hive, and the hive was so much more intimidating up close. Sweeps of conditioning urged him to run from this death trap, from the place where seadwellers lurked. Where he could be found out and killed, or killed then found out. Either way, imperial hives meant death to lowbloods and mutants alike.

And Karkat was just expected to walk in one.

With his pale/flush, _something_ red-crush with him.

Nevertheless, he didn't want to worry John. "I'll be fine, nookwhiff," he murmured quietly, sure that John could hear him. Not wanting to say anymore, but feeling that John was still a bit tense with worry, he forced himself to purr very softly, enough that John could feel it. Unless they were paying very close attention, no-one would be able to tell.

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Hagrid was paying very close attention to the gray-skinned teenager. Karkat had suddenly stopped upon reaching one of the doors to Hogwarts, and appeared to be composing himself. Not wanting to push or frighten the strange creature away, Hagrid said nothing, and instead watched the teen.

For a moment, it had appeared as if he was talking to someone. And then the vibrating had started. Hagrid hadn't caught it at first-it was very subtle. But years of searching out magical creatures in the forest had sharpened the groundskeeper's ears. A soft purring coming from the creature, seemingly forced. But why would the being force a sound of soothing when he was scared? There was no one else to calm but himself. Perhaps it was some kind of stress response for the species? But then why would it be forced?

The half-giant watched as the strange teen seemed to visibly brace himself, then walk through the open doorway. Hagrid followed.

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To Karkat, the journey to the headmaster's office was long. Every hallway seemed threatening, every dark corner hiding monsters. Finally, after a nerve-wracking walk through the highblood-hive, the odd pair arrived at a section of wall with a...statue...in front of it. The statue was grotesque, looking as if it was staring them down. Out of nowhere, Hagrid said, "Cotto'n Candy!"

Karkat looked at the GMP oddly, wondering if he had finally snapped. His head whipped back to the statue, though, when he heard the grinding of stone.

The statue was moving.

_The statue was moving._

What the everloving fuck.

The young troll didn't have time to contemplate this, however, because Hagrid ushered him into a doorway that had been hidden behind the not-a-statue. It must have been some kind of password…

Then, after an unexpected set of moving stairs, Karkat and Hagrid stood in front of a door. Hagrid knocked on the door, and an...old? voice said to come in.

Karkat hadn't heard an old voice except in movies, as Alternia was a youth-only zone. He wondered what old creature this was.

Karkat was walked through the doorway, and him and Hagrid sat down in chairs before a desk. Karkat looked up at the person on the other side of the desk.

It was a human. A very, very old _human_. Though it was like no other human that he had ever seen, the scent was definitely human. With an unpleasant tang.

John smelled like wind and ocean breezes and cold snow and whipped cream. Dave smelled like magma and record-dust and apple juice and steel. Rose smelled like books and worn yarn and rain and flower fields at dawn. From the brief scent of her he got, Jade had the scent of greenhouses and dogs and gunpowder and warm wood.

This old human smelled like ashes and fire and sour lemons and something else Karkat couldn't identify. It smelled of lies.

Karkat decided he didn't like this human.

"Greetings, Hagrid." The Human of Lies (HOL) said warmly. "Who is our new friend?" He looked over Karkat critically. Karkat hoped he'd spontaneously combust.

"Well, Prerfesser Dumbledore, I found 'em last nigh'. 'Is name is 'Karkat'."

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Albus looked closely at the creature Hagrid had brought in. The headmaster hadn't been expecting any visitors this morning, planning to get ahead in his paperwork, but it seemed there were more important things to worry about.

Such as the young-looking being glaring at him from across his desk.


	5. Chapter 5

Sadly, HOL, which Karkat now knew was called 'Dumbledore', did not burst into flames.

Karkat and John had been in the castle for close to three days now, not counting the day they had arrived in this empress-forsaken land. Currently, the troll was sitting on the edge of the human sleeping-platform in the room that the HOL had given him. The GMP had led him here to 'get used to the school'. Karkat had yet to leave the room-he suspected that he would be watched or followed someway if he did, if he wasn't being watched already.

He really, really hoped he wasn't, otherwise both GMP, HOL, and whatever other adults were here would have questions for him that he didn't want to answer.

One of which being, 'why in Gog's green moon did you cough up a very tiny flying human'. Or, at least, something to that tune.

Said human was sleeping at the moment, on the pillow, having demanded to be let out once they had been alone. Karkat was all for it-it was truly hard to keep a straight face when a hyper human is inside of you.

Karkat thought back to the conversation with the HOL. HOL hadn't asked much, only his name and species. Karkat had answered, "Karkat, and none of your fucking mindwax." He didn't know what these humans knew about trolls, but he didn't want them to know until Karkat knew more about where the hell he was. After looking at Karkat pleasantly, the HOL had proceeded to ask if he wanted a lemon drop. Being slightly distracted by the non-sequitur, Karkat almost hadn't noticed the prodding at his mind-walls.

But notice it he did.

He slammed down his mental barriers on whatever had been trying to get in. To his surprise, it actually worked. Whatever had tried to get into his thinkpan was a lot less powerful than Vriska had been, or any other troll mind-controllers that had existed on Alternia.

Karkat had then tried to find out the source of the intrusion, but he hadn't wanted to draw attention to himself, so the most he could do was glance around vaguely suspiciously. He hadn't noticed anything stranger than anything else, but he would remain on alert.

The troll sighed. He would need to go out soon. He had managed to wrestle his sylladex into submission long enough to get various food items from it, but it wouldn't last. Not to mention that John needed carbs.

_Why the fucking bulgewhiffer does this shit happen to me_, he thought.

Disturbing him further, he realized he didn't know if he was referencing the situation, or his own feelings about John.

HP-HOMESTUCK-HP-HOMESTUCK

The headmaster thought to himself. What could possibly have to mental power to block him out?

HP-HOMESTUCK-HP-HOMESTUCK

Harry James Potter was weird was going on in the school. Well, he reasoned to himself, something was always weird. But as usual, he wanted to find out. Dumbledore had been preoccupied that last few days, and if it was about him, as it usually was, he needed to know. Especially now, with a crazy serial killer out for his blood.

HP-HOMESTUCK-HP-HOMESTUCK

Jade once again threw up into the toilet of her house. She had no idea what was wrong with her, but whatever it was, it was making her sick.

HP-HOMESTUCK-HP-HOMESTUCK

Davesprite floated back and forth, looking at the bathroom door, from which the retching sounds were coming from. He had a feeling that he knew what this was. Torn between cursing if it had happened, and desperately hoping it was true, he continued his worried floating-pace.

How was he going to tell Jade?

HP-HOMESTUCK-HP-HOMESTUCK

"John. John. Human. Pink sack of shit excuse for life. Egbert. John."

Karkat had been trying to wake the tiny human up for the last ten minutes or so, but it seemed that the little godling was out cold. Karkat couldn't help but agree with John's sleepy hmmmms and puffs of breath.

He was exhausted.

He fought the need to sleep, though, for several reasons. No soper, unknown, if any, dreambubbles- the nightmares weren't worth it. But now Karkat had another two very important reasons: Guarding John, and keeping his mind safe. If he was sleeping, then whatever had tried to invade his mind could do so very easily. It could with John's, but Karkat was hoping that whatever it was couldn't find John if it hadn't seen him. After all, humans needed sleep.

But John had been sleeping close to seventeen hours now, and even for humans, that was too much. It was probably just exhaustion, but Karkat worried that his size was having some kind of effect on his health. He just couldn't figure out what.

Karkat's musings were broken by a sleepy yawn. John had finally woken up, after fifteen minutes of outside stimuli. _Something is definitely up with him. Something bad._

"Karkat? Is that you? I'm tired."

"Tired? Jegus, John, you've been sleeping for the better part of a day!"

"What?" John asked, slightly more awake, and a bit startled by the information.

"You've been sleeping close to seventeen hours, dumbass. You need to get up."

"Oh." John stretched. Karkat watched as John disentangled himself from his windsock hood, and tested the Windy Thing, before flying right up to his face. "Well, I'm up now!"

"You're too fucking cheerful, is what you are." Karkat said without any real bite in it. He sighed. "I guess we need to go get you something to eat."

As the troll stood up and started walking towards the door, he asked, "Pocket or inside? You can't be seen."

John paused in the air for a second, before grinning and diving toward the collar of Karkats turtleneck sweater. He pulled open the springy material and climbed in, getting comfortable. With only the top of his head showing, he called up to the troll, "How's this?"

Karkat blinked in surprise. He hadn't been expecting John to dive-bomb a vulnerable part of his body, but was vaguely shocked to find that he trusted John completely. This was not normal friend behavior, was it? He didn't think so. John was waiting for an answer, so he decided not to dwell too much on it. At least, that's the reason he gave himself.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah that's fine. Just don't go moving where people can see you, got it?" Karkat said.

With confirmation from John, Karkat headed out into the strange hallway for the first time in three days.

HP-HOMESTUCK-HP-HOMESTUCK

"Oh my god," Jade breathed, shocked.

HP-HOMESTUCK-HP-HOMESTUCK

Harry walked determinedly toward the Headmaster's office. Passing torch after torch, he lost himself in his thoughts, letting his feet lead him to his destination. He wanted to know more about Sirius Black, and why the man was after him. _Hadn't he been one of his parent's best friends? It just didn't fit-_

Harry collided with someone coming from another hall.

"Oh sorry-"

"Watch it, nookwhiff."

Before he could get a good look at the stranger, who seemed to be a bit older than him, the teen had walked around another corner. Harry shook off his confusion-he had more important questions than what some weird teenager was doing near the Headmaster's office.


	6. Chapter 6

**Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Writer's block hit me like a goddamn train, guys, I'm sorry. But at least this chapter has some sort of plot motion. Ughh. I hope I get over the block soon. It sucks. Excuse the choppy writing, please, I kinda had to drag this out of myself. Anyway; Flames will be used...somehow. idk. I'm tired. It's 3 AM. Enjoy the story.**

Jade whimpered against the cold surface of the toilet. She had just finished puking her guts out. At fifteen years old, it had been years since she had had any kind of flu-but Jade was less surprised than she probably should have been. She could hear Davesprite's wings occasionally knocking against the bathroom door; he was pacing, and very worried. Jade was aware that Davesprite had the same suspicion as her as to what was wrong with her. And yet they had no way to test it. But somehow, she knew that they both knew.

She was pregnant.

Shortly after being stuck on the ship, Davesprite and Jade had struck up a close friendship. Jade understood that Davesprite was not Dave, but that he was just as real. Davesprite recognized the loneliness Jade felt growing up-Davesprite had been very alone in his own timeline. It was not a shock that they started dating. It was not a shock that they liked to make out. It was not a shock, that about six weeks ago, they had decided to get intimate. It was a shock, however, that Davesprite was not sterile.

They were really screwed this time, weren't they?

Jade sighed and lifted her head off the toilet seat, stood up, and shakily walked to the door. She and Davesprite need to speak about this. She opened the door and walked out, immediately catching Davesprite's attention. He darted over to her.

"Are you alright?" He asked, wringing his hands. "Are you…" He started, "Do you think..?" He trailed off.

"Yeah. I think so. I guess we should have been more careful, huh?"

"Yeah..this is, just.. what are we gonna do? And without John…"

"Actually," Jade cut in, "I think I know what happened to John and Karkat. I'm Space, yeah? So my kid would be, too, right? Maybe?"

"Oh shit."

"Yeah."

"Our babies' version of kicks is space shenanigans." Davesprite paused. "And what about my aspect..?"

"I think it's fairly safe to say that we may have sent both Karkat and a small John to an unknown time and place."

"Fuck." Dave said. He dragged a taloned hand through his hair. "So what do you want to do? What _can_ we do? Do you even want to keep it?"

"Well, I'm not sure that we can do anything about keeping it- it's not like we have the medical tools to get a probably-not-human fetus out of me. And we don't know what will happen to John and Karkat if we do," Jade said, "So, I guess we're keeping it." Keeping a baby. A fucking _baby_. As if they didn't already have enough to deal with. She was fifteen! She wasn't meant to be a mother. And Davesprite wasn't meant to be a father. But they would have to try.

"Suddenly I'm wishing we had that fucking pregnancy book." Davesprite started pacing. "Though I'm not sure how much good it would do, with me being a gog-damned bird-sprite and you being a dog-god. Does that mean you may have a shorter pregnancy? Don't dogs do that? And birds, too, right? We're gonna have to shake a tail and get read up on our preg-facts. Faster than a racing dog running for first place like it's got puppies at home that it's got to feed and if it doesn't the dog-rent will overflow and it will have to live on the streets begging for cash and bone to let it's pups survive, and when it doesn't, it may have to scavenge-"

"Davesprite!"

"Huh?" He stopped pacing and turned to Jade.

"Calm down. One thing at a time, okay?" Jade took a moment to figure out the origin of the rant. "But you're right, we don't know anything about what's going to happen. But we do have books! My house is full of them! We should be able to find something to start on there."

HP~HOMESTUCK~HP

Karkat and John wandered around the castle for the better part of an hour, being careful to not be seen, after that green-eyed kid had crashed into them. They still had not found food.

Karkat had taken to sniffing the air, trying to locate and track any kind of food-scent, but then only source he could find was a giant hall filled with human youth. There was no way Karkat was venturing in there. Karkat was getting increasingly irritated, as he could not find any sort of food, and he was fucking exhausted. And to top it off, John was yawning again. What could possibly be going on with him? Why was he so tired? Was this some kind of human sickness, or a side effect of the size? He hadn't had any other side-effects, so that wouldn't make sense. Whatever was going on, Karkat need to keep John awake. It couldn't be good that he was sleeping this much.

Karkat reached up to the collar of his sweater, and poked at John. He got a sleepy, "Yeah I'm awake." It was good enough for now. Karkat sighed and wished he could find food, but it looked like he would need outside help to do so. He sighed again, and started to trudge back to 'his' room.

Almost back to the room, Karkat was once again collided with by the green-eyed kid. _What the fuck is he doing here?_ Karkat thought. He looked down at the boy, and shocked features looked up at him. The boy seemed to take a deep breath, then steel himself. Karkat found this vaguely cute-the kid couldn't be older than six sweeps. With how small he was, he looked younger.

The kid suddenly didn't look so cute when something eerily resembling Eridan's Science Stick was pointed in his face. "What are you, and why are you here?" The little human, still unnamed, ground out, seeming almost tired, as if strange things in the "school" were becoming normal and annoying to him. "If Sirius Black sent you, then you can go bloody back to where you came from!" The little one seemed very agitated.

Karkat slowly backed up a few steps. He raised his hands, palm up, in peace. "Look, kid," he bit out warily, "I don't know who that Sirius Black is, or why you think I'm one of his, but if you put the Stick down, I can tell you the other stuff."

The kid furrowed his eyebrows at the word 'stick', but lowered it nonetheless. "Well?" He questioned.

"I'm Karkat. And I don't know how I got here."

The kid narrowed his eyes. "What are you?"

"None of your fucking business, kid," He said. He slowly started to back toward his room. "Why should I tell you?"

Not seeming to notice the growing distance between them, the kid said, "My name's not 'kid'. It's Harry. Harry Potter." The Potter kid seemed to think this would mean something to the troll.

"Great for you, Potter, but I think I'll be going now." Karkat spun around and darted into his room. Slamming the door behind him, he focused his attention on John. The fucker was asleep again.

What in fuck's name was _wrong_ with him?

**FUCKIN' PLOT TWIIIIIIIISSTT. Though tell me, how many of you had guessed it? Or tell me what you thought was going on. I love reveiws guys. LOVE THEM.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, it's been a while, huh? Don't worry, I haven't given up on this fic.**

_Thunk._ _Cu-thunk._ _Thunk._

"Well, shit. The only books I've found on this side are 'Stuffing Your First Hawk,' and 'How to Sneak into an Angry Bird's Nest While Covered in Peanut Butter,' and honestly, I'm kind of scared of the second one." Davesprite set the books down next to him with yet another _thunk_. Together, he and Jade had gone through about a quarter of the books in the library. And since Jade's grandad was apparently allergic to organizing, it was slow going.

Two weeks, and all they had found that might help them was an entry in a 1960s almanac that said that the average dog's gestation period was 63 days, or around 8 weeks. And that was almost completely useless, seeing as Jade was 8 weeks pregnant _now_, there was no sign of her going into labor, and she had hardly grown.

"Uhhm," Jade called from the next bookcase over, "I found, 'The Human Reproductive Cycle: Mating Rituals, Mating Organs, and Mating Taboos: The Ultimate Guide for the Curious Alien', which, while a little weird, might be useful...also, 'Migration Patterns of North American Birds,' 'Jumper: The Story of a Daring Sparrow,' and weird-ass leather book. It's got a picture of a...bird?...on it, but it's not written in a language that I understand." She walked around to Davesprite's area, "I think we should look at the first one. It couldn't hurt to learn more about the human pregnancy, right? I mean...I know it's 9 months...but what else?"

Davesprite looked up from his sad little stack of books. "I think anything would be good at this point, even if it turns out to be absolute shit. We gotta...I dunno, figure this out." His eyes turned upward towards Jade. "We..we don't know how much time we have to prepare, after all." His tail twitched with nervousness. "I mean, we know about as much as a baseball knows it's about to get hit! As in, none, because it's a fucking ball, not a living thing, and really, that dickass movie with the talking baseball was just all kinds of creepy." Gasping, Davesprite continued, "We don't even know the gender of this thing! Does it even fucking _have_ a gender? Is that a thing bird-dog-god babies have?" At this point, the floor was a mess of scattered books, having been thrown off the shelves by Davesprite's agitated wings.

Jade nudged the fallen books off her feet and cleared a space. Sitting down, she said, "Maybe we should take a break. I'm exhausted, and you…" She trailed off, eyeing her boyfriend's crazed eyes, ruffled feathers, outstretched arms, and extreme bedhead. "Well, we both could use a break." She paused. "We could talk about names? I mean, no matter what gender or non-gender it turns out to be, it's still going to need a name!" She smiled hopefully.

Davesprite narrowed his eyes, vaguely sensing that Jade was distracting him, but went along with it. After a moment, he broke into a grin. "Jeff is always a good name."

"We are not naming our child after your shitty comic, honey. No." Jade continued, "And Jeff is a crappy name anyhow. How about Gerard, or Sophie? Jamie's always good…"

"Ehhhh, none of those sound that great...hmmm." Davesprite looked as if a lightbulb went off in his brain. "We could look at names from all these books! Not _all_ of them can be shitty!"

Jade's ears perked up. "That's a great idea, Davesprite!"

HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS

John was sleeping again.

For two weeks, John and Karkat had been left in relative peace in their room. Food appeared out of nowhere, as if by magic, right outside the door, every evening after the third day. With not able to smell any poison, and John running out of energy fast, Karkat took the risk. But no matter how much food, sugar, or water John had, it seemed he was always sleeping. The troll watched the godling's little chest rise and fall on the soft material of the human pillow.

With dark humor, Karkat mused that John was getting all of the sleep that Karkat wasn't.

Karkat hadn't slept in two weeks.

He had been eating, attempting to keep up his energy, but without sleep, his body was beginning to shut down. Laying next to John, he thought of the last time he had gotten up. It was going to get food...two, maybe three days ago? It was okay, though, because John was so small that he still had enough food.

Karkat didn't want to sleep.

He was scared.

_But_, Karkat thought, _If they find John, who will defend him? What if the HOL gets him?_

Karkat was too tired to go into a full-blown panic, complete with blood-pusher pounding and liquid body-salt streaming. But he was still aware enough to know that he needed to get John out of sight before he slept.

With slow-moving fingers, Karkat picked up John's limp form and unceremoniously swallowed him. Karkat was out before John had even made it past his collarbone.

HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS

"What about Lee? That's a cool name!"

"We are not naming our kid something that rhymes with pee. It's not happening, Jade. What about Kurt, or Tony? Both authors and Marvel!"

"_For the last time, Fuckass, we are not naming our child after a movie character!_"

"Well shit, fine then. What about Frank?"

"Too common."

"Chester?"

"Our child is not a cat, Davesprite."

"We don't know that. But anyway, Sylvia?"

"Pretty, but way too classy. Why can't we just find some _simple_ names in here?"

"Because this is an old person's library? And everyone had crazy names?"

"Ugh. This is stupid. There must be _something._"

"...What about Ray? Or Ruby? Betty? Edward? Sean? Will? Anne? Maya? Eric-"

"Stop! Go back. ...Will is a nice name. And Ruby, too. What do you think of those?"

Davesprite tilted his head, and quirked his lips. "I think those could work. For a boy or a girl. Or neither, I guess."

Ears forward and fanged grin in place, Jade exclaimed, "Yes!"

HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS~HP~HS

Harry was not having a very nice day. At all. It had started out alright, but had taken a turn for the worst in Care of Magical Creatures. Flying on Buckbeak had been both terrifying and awesome, Hagrid had been doing great, and the outdoor lessons were a nice change of pace from stuffy classrooms. Until stupid, prattish Malfoy had to go and muck it all up with his pureblood arrogance, and now both Hagrid and Buckbeak were at risk.

Harry Potter was not pleased. Not to mention, when asked about the strange, gray-skinned boy, Dumbledore refused to give anything away, only saying, "The time will come for you to know, Harry, don't worry," with a raspy voice and twinkled eyes showing that he knew more than what he was letting on.

Harry was getting really annoyed with this innocent act.

**I know it's an awkward place to stop, sorry. It's been forever since I've read HP, so the timeline may be off. It's okay. Just roll with it. Karkat has gotten into quite the situation, hasn't he? Bonus points if you know what movie Davesprite thinks is creepy!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, hello, I know, I've done another chapter! So soon! Amazing! Before we start though, I would like to clear something up. A guest called Berlin mentioned, "poor Jade" but that "it's..her own fault." No. No, no, no, no. The pregnancy was absolutely no-one's fault. Jade and Davesprite had consensual, nice sex. They both thought he was sterile. I don't want to hear anymore comments about that-it's very disrespectful to both characters.**

**Now that that's taken care of, enjoy!**

John woke up with a start, being tossed into something vaguely firm and smooth. He blinked his eyes open and realized that he couldn't see at all...and it was wet. Karkat had, got him, then. But then what woke him up…?

The walls lurched and clamped down on John, before loosening up and trembling. John sat for a moment, stunned, and noticed that Karkat's lungs were working extremely hard, and his heart was going faster than John had ever heard it before, even when they had first entered the castle.

"Karkat!" John called, "Hey! What's going on?!" Instead of an explanation, everything turned and John tumbled to the side. Why was Karkat rolling over like that? He was always so careful! Without warning, the distressed troll let out a cry, "No, don't! Go!" curling in on himself and John in the process. John blinked disbelievingly. Karkat had fallen asleep, and was now having...what did he call them...horrorterrors. Nightmare's brutal cousin.

Karkat cried out again and rolled over once more, and John tried to control his slide down the wall-turned-floor. With a shuddering breath, Karkat seemed to settle. John wasn't sure what to do; should he wake his friend up? Or should he let him sleep after so long? After all, Karkat didn't seem to be having the nightmare anymore…

John felt the pull of sleep, even though he had been sleeping so much. He knew something was wrong. The last few days, he had been feeling colder than usual, and his hands had started to shake occasionally. With how tired he was, Karkat hadn't noticed, and John hadn't wanted to bother him. He yawned. Well, there wasn't much else he could do in here. With a sigh, John settled down and fell into blackness.

~hp~hs~hp~hs~

_Dark hallways, scratching_

_honk_

_honk_

_colored paint spattered over bodies_

_a golden city_

_a black dog_

_light._

_Bright blue eyes._

Dumbledore quickly yanked his mind from the unprotected creature's. To many flashes, to much going on. It had taken much longer than he had anticipated to be able to see into the strange thing's head, and he couldn't even stay. What a shame. Before he could ponder how to fix this, Maggie slammed the door open.

"Albus, Sirius Black has invaded the school! He has attacked the Fat Lady of Gryffindor Tower!"

Well, then. His plans had been moved up.

~hp~hs~hp~hs~

So maybe they should have paid more attention to the gestation of the dog.

Davesprite felt his hand crack in pressure again as Jade squeezed to until he was sure he heard a crunch. Gripping Jade's hand despite the pain, Davesprite made sure that they had everything that they thought they could need. Hot water, check. Blankets, check. Rags, check. Lots of water to drink, check. A dog-god in painful labor, check.

With his free hand, he flipped through the weirdly-detailed book they had found. There wasn't much here, biologically, that would be accurate, but it did give tips on giving birth, and breathing. Not that Jade really was listening to him when he said, "in out, in out."

"Do you want me to try to move you?"

"To where, DaAAAAAAAAAAAA!" A contraction gripped her, "Where, Davesprite? Our bedrooms are too far, and we got everything here."

"Okay, okay, alright. Shit! This was not meant to happen! You're not even big, Jade!" Davesprite gestured wildly with his free hand, then dragging his talons through his hair. He gently rested his hand on her stomach. "Is this too early? Will they even….will they even make it?"

"Fuckass, this kid is gonna make it if it's the last thing I fucking do." Breath shuddering, sweat making her clothes stick to her, she panted out, "It's almost time, Davesprite. Get the blankets." Taking a deep breath, she began to push. So hard, in fact, that Davesprite marveled for a moment before reaching over and grabbing the pile of blankets taken from the living deck, letting go of Jade's hand, and twisting himself to be able to see the baby.

"AAAAAAAAAAA FUCK DAMNIT FUCK SHIT AAAA SHITAAAAAAAA FUCCCC-"

"I see the head!"

"YOU BETTER FUCKING SEE IT I'M AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Keep pushing!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M DOING, DAVESPRITEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

"Almost!"

With a final shove, the newborn was pushed out. Davesprite wiped it off with the wet rags, and bundled it up in a blanket, marveling at it. It was perfect. Soft, pale skin, not unlike his when he was human, eyes that looked just like Jade's. Short eyelashes, and a few strands of pale orange hair, and what looked like the beginning of wings. Tiny, white, limp puppy-ears laid against its head. It kicked it's tiny feet before letting out a screech, like a baby bird.

Both of the new parents winced, and Davesprite said, "They're perfect, Jade." And he handed the godling over to its mother. Jade, still breathing heavily, looked down at the little bundle. She pulled her left arm out of the sleeve and pulling down her shirt and bra. Bringing the newborn close, it latched on and began drinking.

It was silent.

"So, that was crazy, wasn't it-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Jade suddenly yelled, "FUCK! FUCKASS! YOU KNOCKED ME UP WITH TWINS!"

Davesprite openly gaped for a moment before gathering himself and rushing over to get the next child.

"FUCK!"

Much faster than the first one, the second child came out with less fuss. And looked nearly identical to the first, except for hair and eyes. It's hair was inky black, like it's mothers, and Davesprite's orange irises stared up with wide eyes. Before it could screech, Davesprite quickly handed it to Jade.

"Anymore I should know about? Are we having a litter?" Davesprite asked tiredly.

Taking a breath, adjusting the second child against her breast, she said, "No. Thank god, no."

With a sigh of relief, both parents laid back next to each other. "So," Davesprite started, "I guess your Space thing made room in you, huh?"

"I guess so."

"At least we have names picked out. Which one is which?"

"Well, uhm," Jade took a deep breath, sighing it out, "I can't see their, uh, private parts, so I'm guessing they got a sheath from either you or the dog." Another breath. "So I guess, whichever? I mean, the orange-haired one looks like a 'Will'?"

"That works for me." Davesprite turned his head towards the infants, and rested his hand against them. "Hey, Will, Ruby. We're your parents."

~hs~hp~hs~hp~

Harry tried to rearrange himself once again on the Great Hall's hard floor. Even with the think sleeping bags, it still was uncomfortable. Though, really, that might have been because all the students were crowded together on the floor.

Harry was really having a hard time understanding why Black was after him. He was a baby. And why try to break into the tower during classes, when Harry was guaranteed not to be there? Things were not adding up.

Looking around carefully, Harry got up and went to a shadowed corner. Throwing on the invisibility cloak, he tip-toed out into the main hall of the castle. Looking up at all the staircases for a moment, he thought of his options. He could go to Gryffindor Tower, and see if he could find anything there. He could go out to the grounds, maybe to the Quidditch pitch...wait. Wait! That was it-the Grimm and Black had to be involved-how else could Black leave giant claw marks on the portrait?

Mind made up, Harry turned to the nearest exit and hurried to the pitch.

~hp~hs~hp~hs~

Karkat woke up slowly. He gazed around the room a bit blankly, before suddenly realizing he had _actually_ fallen asleep. He shot up into a sitting position, and let out a little umph at something hitting the front wall of his belly. Looking down, he realized he must have taken in John before he passed out. Well. That was a fucking good call of past-him. We waited a moment, to see if John had woken up, but it seemed that he was out for the count.

Feeling alert for the first time in weeks, Karkat got up and walked to the door, intending to explore and see what he had missed; make sure that no one knew about John, even with his protection.

But the door was locked.

Jiggling the handle harder, Karkat got more frustrated. In an act of pure troll-strength, he snapped the lock, opening the door. If any anti-unlocking spells had been cast, they would have been useless against brute strength.

And so Karkat ventured out into what looked like an abandoned school.

~hp~hs~hp~hs~

It was freezing, on the pitch. Really, really, truly cold. Maybe going to the pitch at night, looking for a murdering trying to kill him wasn't such a good idea.

No. He had to find out what was going on.

Taking off the invisibility cloak, he looked around. Nothing.

Turned. Nothing.

"Heeeellooo?" He called.

Nothing at all.

He turned once more. He froze.

After all, that was a really, really, truly big black dog.

**So, a longer chapter than usual, huh? Lots of things happening. Sorry-not-sorry for the cliffie. Reviews are love!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm back~ Enjoy~ and look, plot! *gasps***

So that was a rather large black dog.

Before Harry could truly freak out about the Grim-Involved-With-Black, or GIWB for short, it leaped for him. Before Harry could get his wand out, he was tackled to the slightly-damp grass of the pitch, and had a giant dog...licking his face?

What?

"Ugh, oh, get off me!" He shouted, startled, trying to wipe the drool from his face. "Ugggh! What?" GIWB backed up off of the boy, and sat, tail wagging, looking slightly sheepish. He barked, and watched Harry get up. Once Harry was all the way up, the dog backed up and something amazing, or terrifying, happened. Where the great black dog was once standing, there was a man. A man Harry quickly identified, despite the darkness, as Sirius Black. Sirius Black was an animagus?

"Hullo, pup! You've grown up so well! Look just like your father, but -"

"I have my mother's eyes, I know." Harry cut him off. Figures. He meets an alleged mass murderer, and the first thing he hears is the thing that every adult ever says to him. Talk about anticlimactic.

Sirius titled his head at Harry, and Harry figured he was wondering why he sounded so annoyed. Going against the urge to run for a professor (something weird was going on…), he answered the unspoken question. "Everyone and their mother has told me that, mate. Becomes a bit repetitive."

Sirius nodded. "Well, I'm glad I found you alone - I mean, I'm glad no one is here to make this more complicated. Do you know who I am?"

"Yes. You're Sirius Black. Mass murderer. Betrayed my parents. Escaped from Azkaban, broke into Hogwarts, harmed a painting, and apparently is an animagus!" His tone increasing in volume and speed as he continued, "And I really should be getting a professor, but I'm not! Because why would you attack the common room during classes? When I'm not there? It doesn't make sense, but not much does these days, does it?!" Arms in the air as he finished, he gestured sharply towards Black, "So _yes_, I know who you are!" Breathing heavily from his rant, he crossed his arms, and looked Black in the eyes. "Why are you here?"

Still looking a bit shocked at the outburst, Sirius answered, "...I'm not here for you, pup. I'm here for that dirty traitor Pettigrew." He narrowed his eyes, looking in the distance, "That dirty rat was Prongs' secret keeper, not me. And I intend to kill him for the betrayal." Focusing back on Harry, his face softened. "Why does nothing make sense? Are you alright?"

Not quite believing Black yet, he answered slowly, "Dumbledore's being...cagey." Harry regarded Black for a moment. "I thought you had killed Pettigrew. Is there a way to prove you didn't?" Because, if he hadn't killed Pettigrew, it was likely that he was telling the truth about the rest of it.

"There's a map. Me, Remus, and your father made it. It shows the location of everyone in the castle. The map's magic doesn't lie." Black stepped closer, "Please, pup, let me show you."

Harry paused at the mention of Remus. Wasn't that the DADA professor's first name? Pushing it out of his mind for now, he looked a Black more closely. He didn't seem like he was lying. And if he had wanted to kill him, wouldn't he have done it already?

"Alright, let's get this map. Where is it?"

Looking happy at Harry's response, he said, "Last time I saw it, Filch had taken it."

"Let's start there, then."

They walked off the Quidditch pitch and towards the castle.

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Karkat wandered the school, it seeming much too empty. All of the scents he could detect were from at least a few hours before, and there was a strong human-scent coming from the large room where meals were eaten. Cautiously going closer to the large double-doors, he took a deeper breath. Hundreds of human-scents were coming from it, as well as normal sleep-noises. Why would they all be sleeping in here? They hadn't been before, had they?

Something was wrong, wasn't it?

Making a quick check of the door, he found that there was a fairly fresh scent-trail leading away from it. It couldn't have been more than an hour old, just obscured by so many other scents. Following it farther from the door, and outside, he soon recognized it. It was that kid with the Science Stick that he had run into when he had first got here. Turning around, he decided to leave this area. He didn't want that Stick pointed at him.

"Hey!" A voice called, "Get back here!"

Shit, shit, shit, shit. It was that little green-eyed fucker. Risking a glance back, he realized that it was with some adult. It was time to get out of here.

Karkat started to run.

"Petrificus Totalis!" All of Karkat's limbs seized up and froze. He panicked in his mind, but toppled to the ground without the control of his limbs. He couldn't even talk. Not that he would've been able to, anyway, having landed on his face, but it was still very disconcerting that he couldn't move his mouth. Infact, the only thing he was capable of controlling was his eyes and blinking.

This just got worse and worse.

He heard someone, probably the kid, run up to him. A hand grabbed his shoulder and turned him over. "What _are_ you? Why are you here?"

The adult came up behind the human boy. "Um..pup...do you know this...lad?" The adult came around the other side of Karkat. "What in Merlin's name is it?"

"I have no _idea_ what it is! I've seen it before, in the school! It got away before I saw where it went!" The boy - wasn't his name something stupid like Harrod or Herrit? - narrowed his eyes. He seemed to be thinking about something. Addressing Karkat directly, it said, "Didn't you say your name was Kenneth or something?"

Karkat glared at him. He didn't have some stupid human-name! And certainly not a 7-letter one! Unable to move his mouth or limbs, the growl he let out was rather pathetic. At least it seemed to startle Harrod and his adult.

The humans exchanged a glance. Suddenly the Stick was pointed right at his face. "Stupefy!"

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"Oh my god, thank fuck that's over." Jade flopped against the couch. Davesprite curled up next to her, head in her lap.

"Finally…" He mumbled into her thighs.

They had finally gotten the kids to sleep. Will had been rather docile when it came to laying down - not much fuss, unlike their birth. But Ruby was an absolute nightmare for the two new parents. They wouldn't stop crying and screaming when put down. After maybe two-ish hours, they had tired themselves out and had gone to sleep next to their twin. But it had been a long haul for Jade and Davesprite.

"My ears are _still_ ringing," she sighed, "and I'm too tired to get up and get food." Looking over at the make-shift crib they had made out of blankets, she lolled her head to the side, "and we _still_ need to alchemize a crib. And baby stuff. God, Davesprite, where are we even gonna _get_ diapers?"

"And we need to do it before they wake up, huh?" He sighed.

"Yep."

"Damn."

"Yep."

Reminiscent of an air-tube person that was used to sell cars before the world ended, Davesprite dragged himself off of Jade, and immediately flopped back onto his back. He was so tired that not even his tail was moving. Jade's ears and eyes flicked toward him as he lazily threw his hand out, and looked on as he called his body's katana to him. In a clear display of How-Not-To-Use-A-Deadly-Weapon, he put the point of it on the ground, and used it as a cane to get himself off the couch. He held out a hand to Jade.

Tiredly, Jade took his hand and dragged herself up. Together, they headed towards the alchemizer.

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"We are not using fabric diapers. Why is it only making fabric diapers?!" Jade yelled, frustrated, at the alchemizer. This does us no use!"

"Maybe we need to combine it with a sponge or something?" Davesprite suggested. "That or cotton?"

"Yeah, it's worth a try." Punching in the combination, the pair waited again for the outcome. It was…

"Yes! Disposable, bitches!" Jade yelled, high-fiving Davesprite. "Now let's make a bunch of these, and use a different one to start on the crib."

Davesprite nodded, and punched in for 100x Diaper-Disposables. They turned to the neighboring alchemizer. "What do you think, a bed and a cage?"

Jade agreed, and punched it in. What came out was definitely not a crib.

"What in hell…?"

It was going to be a long night.

**Take in mind that I know very little about babies. Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are love. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**So I'm trying something new - a chapter a day, if possible. Have fun!**

Karkat woke up, head pounding. Trying to move, he found that the couldn't - it seemed all his limbs had been frozen. What?

Looking around, he recognized the stone walls of the inside of the imperial hive. With a jolt, the night came back to him. Shit. Where had that nooksniffer Harrod taken him? And where was the adult?

Still unable to move, Karkat couldn't do anything about the ropes tying him to the chair, cutting into his arms and stomach. Wait...John!

Oh, shit, fuck, how was John doing in all of this?!

Forcing himself to calm down, Karkat focused on his inside. After a moment, he felt the slow, soft breaths of sleep. Really slow breaths. John had slept through all of that?

Hearing quiet voices approach from the other side of the door in the makeshift prison-block, he snapped his eyes up to the knob. Inside came the green-eyed ass and the black-haired adult that was always trailing him. Karkat eyed them suspiciously - why had they trapped him in ropes when they had already trapped him with the strange words? Did they fear him that much?

The human, though they had glanced at him, now were conversing with each other. Karkat made his breathing as quiet as possible in order to hear what they were saying.

"It wasn't in Filch's office, Sirius! Where is it?"

"I don't know, pup! Who would have taken it? Who would have been able to figure it out?"

"...I don't know. Ugh, let's just deal with _it_ right now," He said, looking at Karkat. "What even is it?" He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Hey, do we have any Veritaserum?"

The adult - apparently 'Sirius' - looked at Karkat, as well. "No, but I know where we can get some."

With that, the pair left the block, and Karkat was alone again. He had a lot to think about - like who was Filch? What were they looking for? And what in hell was Veritaserum? Most of all: how to get out of here.

As Karkat's thoughts spun in circles, trying to pick a direction, the door swung open once again. Karkat looked up. It was the humans again. One of them was holding a small vial with clear liquid in it. He guessed it was the Veritaserum.

Once again, the Stick was pointed at him. Harrod said, "Finite Incantatem," and all at once, Karkat could move. Without a pause, he started thrashing at the bindings, and trying to curse the humans out.

"You stupid pink meatsacks! Let me go you fuckers!" A loud growl was heard. But before he could say much more, gloved hands were in his face with the clear-liquid vial. Karkat tried to bit at the hands, but the leather was extremely thick. Before he knew it, the tasteless liquid was forced down his throat. He hoped it wouldn't hurt John.

Jerking away from the hands sharply, Karkat growled that the adult, Sirius, that had forced it. Karkat growled and said, "What in hell was that?!"

"A truth potion," Harrod said. "Who are you?"

Without his permission, Karkat found himself amswering. "Karkat Vantas, Knight of Blood, Leader of the Red Team, Co-Friendleader of the Two Sessions, Mutant Blood."

Reeling at the amount of information, Harrod just wrote it down and asked another question. "What are you?"

Knowing what was going to happen, Karkat struggled against answering, but was only able to stall for a few seconds. "A Troll from the planet Alternia. A player of SGRUB. 7 sweeps old."

Once again, Harrod looked very confused, but wrote down the answer quickly. Another question came. "Why are you here? How?"

Annoyed, Karkat answered, "One, there isn't a reason I'm here, idiot. It was an accident. And as for how, I have no fucking idea. I want to be gone as much as you want me to leave." Harrod looked very shocked at that, but shook himself and asked another question.

"Did you come here alone?"

Karkat tried, he tried so, so hard to stay silent. To protect John.

He failed.

"No."

The human gave each other panicked glances, and the adult asked, "Where are the others?"

Karkat replied, trying to keep things as vague as possible, "Nearby. Only one other."

The humans seemed to understand that Karkat was trying to shield information. "Look, Vantas, this will go much faster if you answer the questions in detail." The adult spoke. "So Harry will ask the questions, and you will answer them. Got it?" Not waiting for an answer, he turned to the little green-eyed shit. "Harry?"

The 'Harry' (Harrod was better, six letters) asked in more detail. "Where exactly is the other one you came with?"

"The other one I came with is in my stomach, you little fuckers. I ate them." Karkat said with a bit of a sadistic grin, hoping to scare the humans into backing off. ...And maybe he was a bit dramatic, but hey, if he was going to have to tell the truth, he might as well see how much of a reaction he could get.

Both humans gaped openly, shocked. "What the bloody hell…" The older one breathed. "You _killed_ them? They're dead?"

Unable to avoid a direct question, Karkat answered, "No, I didn't kill them. And they're not dead, either." Damnit! He was hoping that he would be able to keep John's existence a secret! Stupid, stupid fucking humans and their stupid truth liquid!

Now they they just looked truly bewildered. "How?" The small one asked.

"They were tiny. And I cleared the acids." They looked less confused, but still asked questions.

"Why? Why would you do that in the first place? What are they, that they are so tiny?"

Jegus fuck, they just kept asking. Why couldn't they stop? Karkat was so angry that he was almost in tears - at least, that's what he told himself.

"There was a hootbeast. It injured them. I couldn't hold them anywhere else, and keep them safe at the same time. As for why they were tiny, it's because Jade was un-shrinking them from visiting a planet, and we got caught in the portal before she was done."

"...We'll come back to the shrinking and portal later. So you...ate them...to protect them?" Harry asked, shushing Sirius's beginning to a question.

"Yes."

"And I thought my life was weird."

"Welcome to the club."

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"Awwww! They're so cuuuuuute! Davesprite, look! Will's smiling!"

Davesprite looked over her shoulder at Will. "So cool. And Ruby loves this little blanket. Told you they would like it!" Said blanket was a small, plush, dark teal blanket with teal stars on it. They had manage to make it by combining a squiddle, a large comforter, and glow-in-the-dark wall stickers. The stars on the blanket even glowed. Will had a similar one, only it was a dark gold-orange with light yellow circles. But right now, Jade was holding Will, while Davesprite was fussing over Ruby, who was in the crib with the blankets.

The crib was a cute, wooden thing, colored white. After trial and error, and trial and error, the new parents had managed to combine a box of popsicle sticks, a pillow, and a miniature shopping cart (from LOHAC), to create the crib. It thankfully didn't have wheels.

Dave picked up the freshly-diapered Ruby (and hadn't that been an educational journey), and walked closer to Jade.

"They're perfect, y'know." He said. "Cuz they're ours."

**Ah, so, I know we didn't see a lot of Jade, DS, and the twins, but never fear, they will have more later! Sorry for such the awkward ending - it was the best I could figure out. Hope you enjoy!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I am really sorry for the delay. This isn't even the full chapter-I'll update this one when I finish it. This is 300+ words or so, sorry. Midterms kinda snuck up on me, and I haven't had a lot of chances to write. So enjoy this teaser for now, and I'll the full chapter ready ASAP.**

"So…."

"So, are you gonna untie me or what, Harrod?"

Harry frowned at him. "My name is Harry."

"Harrod is better. So get used to it, assmunch."

Harry sighed and walked over to the 'Troll'. It, he?, looked nothing like the troll he fought in first year. Then again, didn't he say he was from a different planet? How does that even happen? He walked to the back of the chair, and untied the ropes. The troll stood up. He was a few inches shorter than Harry, and his horns barely passed his unruly hair.

"So, Vantas, how long have you been here?" Sirius asked. It was only a matter of time until the animagus piped up. "Where have you been staying?"

The Veritaserum would still be in his system for the next half an hour or so, so Vantas had to answer truthfully. Really, Sirius was right to be asking questions - this creature seemed rather private, and it might be their only chance to get clear information.

"I've been here for half a perigee. I've been staying in some small private-block for guests, I think."

Harry and Sirius looked at each other. What was a perigee? Was a block a room? Looking for clarification, Harry asked, "In...Earth time, how long is that? Is a block a room?"

Sighing at the apparent stupidity of humans, Karkat Vantas pinched the bridge of his nose, and answered, "Gogdamnit, stupid humans and their stupid Earth time. Yes, a block is what you call a 'room', and a perigee is...what? About a...month? I think? So around two weeks. Why can't humans even use good timings? Stupid game, stupid universe. What's the point of being a God if the species you make is stupid as all-fuck?"

As Harry and Sirius listened, they became more and more confused, and then when the alien stopped, a silence hung in the air.

Sirius was vaguely gaping, and Harry just asked softly, "...a...God?"

In a show of Vantas stubbornness, the alien only said, "Yes."

It was going to be a long night.

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End file.
